Friday, December 30, 2011



Coming Soon...

MORE FUCKING WOOOOOOORDS!!!!

Love,

That Bastard

P.S. - ):<


The Pen Is My Sword
http://thepenismysword.blogspot.com

Netflix This!
http://netflixthis.blogspot.com

Man-Flavored Milk
http://blaragah.blogspot.com

Soothe Your Freaking Beast
http://soothyourfreakingbeast.blogspot.com

That Bastard On...
http://thatbastardon.blogspot.com

and, naturally, what started it all:

The Bellingham Jerk
http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com

Saturday, September 17, 2011



First, watch this amazing video:



Now watch the response to it from some pundit fucktard screwhead, speaking from someone else's pocket:

Part 1


Part 2


All craziness aside, this shit has NEVER sit right with me. Where was this jackhole when Thug Life first came out, huh? When it stopped being legit and about telling the truth about the street and what was goin' on in the hood and started being about mass produced fascism, HUH?!

Where the fuck was this guy when parents started mimicking what they saw on the television? Where the FUCK was this guy when their children started mimicking THEM?!

And where the fuck was this guy when all this nigga bullshit became the norm? When honest, hard-working, intelligent, thoughtful African-Americans stopped getting facetime on television and commercials and instead nigga gangsta thuggin' became the norm?

Where the FUCK was this guy when we needed him the most?

Gettin' on a couple of dudes whose basic messages are reading books, having pride in personal hygiene, and buying land instead of spinning rims. He's all up on a cartoon that isn't meant for kids on a network that should REALLY be not for kids...

Son, I have never been so disappoint as I am right now or ever since I saw that CNN segment.

Sunday, September 11, 2011



BWABWABWA I GOTS PARODIES COMIN' OUTTA MY GODDAMN KNEES OH GOD HELP IT HURTS SO BADLY



MAN IT'S SO WEIRD HOW I WAS ALL ABOUT THE COMMERCIALS FOR A BIT I'M STILL OKAY THOUGH ARE YOU OKAY 'CUZ I'M OKAY

NOW WE'RE OKAY

TOGETHER

*blush*



NOOOOOO DON'T DIE WE JUST GOT TOGETHER OH GOD HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME WE WERE IN LOVE WE SPENT TEN YEARS TOGETHER AND NOW YOU DIEDED ON MEEEEEEEE

IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO EAT ICE CREAM OFF OF YOUR ABS ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SAY SO!!!!



SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!



DID I ALREADY POST THAT LAST ONE?

I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I'M STARTIN' TO GET CONFUSED AS FAR AS WHICH VIDEOS I'M POSTIN' VERSUS WHICH ONES I WANNA POST...

LIKE SPACE.

I'D TOTALLY POST SPACE CORE AGAIN JUST 'CUZ HIS SHIT IS THAT FUNNY.

I MEAN HE'S ALL SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!


SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!

...space...



Oh god, the things I would do to Juri Han, I swear to GOD I'M NOT EVEN INTO FEET GODOMMOT FRONK.

FRONK!!!

FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!

Saturday, September 3, 2011



OF WATCHING THESE ACTUALLY GOOD COMMERCIALS WITH ME?

HOLD ME 'CUZ I'M SCARED


BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THAT WAS A FUCKING SHOE COMMERCIAL.



Y'KNOW, I DON'T EVEN LIKE COMCAST AND AM SWITCHING TO A NEW SERVICE...BUT MAN, GOTTA DIG THESE COMMERCIALS!



THE SMACK HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD, YO!

Y'KNOW, MOST OF THE TIME COMMERCIALS EXIST TO SUBVERT YOUR SELF-IMAGE AND DIRECTLY MANIPULATE YOU INTO THINGS THAT YOU NORMALLY WOULDN'T THINK IS OKAY. THEN YOU HAVE WONDERFULLY SHINING EXAMPLES OF THE MEDIUM, LIKE THE NEXT DORITOS ONE.

THIS WON'T MAKE YOU FEEL HUNGRY, ONLY LAUGH!


HERE COMES THE BEST VIDEO GAME COMMERCIAL EVER.



FUN STORY, I'VE ACTUALLY TAKEN A VOW WITH MY PARTNER IN CRIME THAT SHOULD SHE BE RIGHT AND SHE ENDS UP IN HEAVEN WHILE I BURN IN HELL, I WILL MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH ITSELF IN ORDER TO CRASH THROUGH THE GATES OF HEAVEN IN ORDER TO BE WITH HER.

MY LOVE IS BEYOND CONTROL, FUCK YOUUUUUU!!



FUCK, I HATE COMCAST BUT MAAAAN I DIG THEIR COMMERCIALS!!!!

SO YEAH, WHERE'S THE USUAL INSANITY DURING THIS POST? I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS, THAT MAKES ME EDGY AND GRIMDARK!

MOMMY, MOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011



Man-Flavored Milk

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOHGOD, OH GOD OH GOD I CAN'T LOOK AWAY

HELP ME, HELP MEEEEE



FIGHT COMMERCIALS WITH BETTER COMMERCIALS!



KITTTTTIIIIIIIIIIES!!!!



GRRR TOO MUCH CUTE NEEDS MORE LLAMA



OH SHIT DAWG YOU DID IT JOE YOU DID IT YOU MADE IT BIG BRO DID YOU EVEN PASS THE BAR?

YEAH, YOU PASSED THE BAR BRO!



OH HELL YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY JOE WHAT THEFAEDLSJKAFGLKARFRAGFLE



HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORF!!!!



BEHOLD, THE END OF YOUR CIVILIZATION! Seriously, fucking commercials nowadays...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011



NOW LEARN OF WHAT REALLY STARTED WORLD WAR 2 AGUHGUHGUH


Saturday, August 13, 2011



LET ME SHOW YOU MY POWERS!!!!



OH SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT?! IT TOTALLY FREAKING DAVID COPPERFIELD'D OUT, MAN!

IT IS A VERB DAVID COPPERFIELDING IS THE NEWEST DANCE CRAZE SWEEPING THE SOUTH!



BWABWABWABWA SEXIIIIIIIISM!



TOO SERIOUS!!!!!



NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH!!!!!!



NOT ENOUGH TIME!!!!!!!

Monday, August 8, 2011



Oh man I gotta try that...



I KINDA PROMISED YOU KINDA SORTA THAT I WOULD'VE POSTED THAT VIDEO LAST POST BUT I DIDN'T SO HERE IT IS.

AND NOW I'M GONNA POST ANOTHER ONE FROM THE SAME VIDYUH GAEM:



NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYAN!!!



WHY DID I EVEN POST THAT JESUS CHRIST HERE JUST HERE TAKE ALL MY MONEY JUST PLEASE DON'T SQUEEZE MY THIGHS STOP IIIIIIIT!



UHHHHHH WAIT NO THIS ISN'T NYAN CAT EITHER WAIT OH GOD STOP IT



CLOSE BUT HNNNNNNG



YEAH THERE WE GO THAT'S BETTERRRRR!

NOW TO LEAVE YOU FEELING ALL MINTY AND MOUTHCLEAN:



AAAAAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011



AND NOW IT'S STUCK IN YOUR HEAD AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH there was going to be something I was gonna post but now I forgot OH GOD I ALMOST SOUNDED LUCID RIGHT THERE!

SHITFUCKEXPLETIVE



WHAT WAS IT WHAT WAAAAS IIIIIT?!!!



NNNNNNNG DAMNED IF I CAN REMEMBER DO YOU KNOW?!



GRRRRR GRRRR GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! I AM MOST UNHAPPY BY THIS TURN OF EVENTS, THIS OUTCOME!



OH GOD MY EYES BURN SO MUCH MAN-CRACK WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHY DID YOU POST THAT?!!!! OH FUCK SO MANLY FDASLKF;JALKGLAKRGHARBL

Wednesday, July 27, 2011



I LIED I HAVE SEVERAL AND THEY'RE ALL DISTURBINGLY SEXY



OH GOD OH JESUS WAS THAT A WHOLE MOVIE?

FUCK YEAH IT WAS A WHOLE MOVIE!

HERE'S ANOTHER!!!



CRAAAAAAB!!!!!

AND NOW I GOTTA WARN YA THIS IS GONNA BE SLIGHTLY NSFW ARE YOU EATING GOOD SPIT IT OUT!!!!



BRAZIL HUE HUE HUE HUE! YEAH YER LOOKIN' PRETTY SWOLE THERE DAWG, PRETTY RIPPED. HEY, HOW'S THAT SYNTHOL TREATIN' YA?

IT HAD TO GET DRAINED?

WELL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, AND HERE I THOUGHT I WAS THE FOOL WHAT WITH MY SMALL GAINS AND BULKING UP NATURALLY HUE HUE HUE!

BR?!

GIBBE MONIES PLOX OR I REPORT U!!!

HERE'S SOME MENTAL MOUTHWASH:



I AM THE FUCKING BUS, AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT LINDA!!!

LINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAERAGHAGFLAKRJFADSLKGARAGLE

Friday, July 22, 2011



Bop wop shebop doo doo doooooooo OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE I'M NAKED AND TAKING A SHOWER wanna join me?



EVERYONE HAS DREAMS YOU JUST GOTTA FOLLOW YOURS BRO EVEN IF IT MEANS KILLING THE REST OF THE WORLD IT'S OKAY BRO I BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS I BELIEVE IN YOU OH GOD STOP CHOKING M



MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME what do you mean this isn't funny anymore? YOU OBVIOUSLY LACK A SENSE OF HUMOR here try this one:



WHAT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE EXPECTING PORKCHOP SANDWICHES? THAT'S RIGHT HERE:



IT'S OKAY ALL YOU BULL DAGGERS AND QUEERS OUT THERE IT'S OKAY HOMOBRO YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF, JUST LISTEN TO JIZZ:



FUCK YEAH GAYSEX NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG IS THAT RIP TORN IN ICE PIRATES? OH GOD IT'S THAT ONE GAY GUY WHO'S, LIKE, SUPER FAT NOW.

THUPER FAT.

THUPER PHAT.

AAAAAAAAAAAT.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011



RICH-ARD NI-XON!!!!



AGUGGUGUGUGUGUGUGUUGUGUGUUGUG



I LIKE WIMMEN, I LIEK WIMMEN, I LIEK TEH KAAAAANCEPT OF TEH WIMMEN!!!

Y'know, gettin' away from the crazy for just a second, I actually do think the funniest part of the video is when he starts talkin' 'bout buffin' dey asses wit car polish.

...WAIT, I WAS JOKING I'M STILL GOING OFFSADLKFJDLSKJGLKAJGLKAJRAG



I have sung this at a McDonalds. Loudly. In the drive-through. With no car. At 2 a.m. in the morning. With my friends. And it was fucking awesome.



SOU KAWAII UGUU!!!! 0D0



ARGLE BLARGLE BARGLE WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU READING THIS SQUIDWARD?! YOU DEAD DAWG YOU DIED I WATCHED YOU SUICIDED!!!!

Friday, July 15, 2011



LIVING



Also, I'd like to take this moment to point out to you, my followers (for whatever reason you ARE following me), this following message and video:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!



fdalkfklklfaljksglkargle



Must...kill...John...Lennon....

Wednesday, July 13, 2011



HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG NOW IT'S TIME TO DO THE FUCKING DANCE AND I CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO WE CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!



SHUT THE FUCK UP CHARLES, IMMA BOUT TO BEAT CHARLES WITH CHARLES, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK 'CUZ I'M THE GODDAMNED JUGGERNAUT BEEEEUCH!!!

JUST 'CUZ I AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' BUT LOVE FOR Y'ALL, HERE'S JUST THE BEST SHIT FROM THE JUGGERNAUT TRILOGY:



I'M DENNIS FROG-MAN, A NIGGA GANG-STA, I'LL FIND YA ON YA WEDDIN' DAY AND I'LL SHANK YA



GANGSTA CRIZZAB - "I LIKE EMUS (FUCK 'EM IN DA @SS!)"



TRANSFORMERS DONE THE RIGHT GODDAMNED WAY! EAT IT, MICHAEL BAY! QQ, BITCH NIGGA!



BARBECUED PIGS FEET!!!!


Saturday, July 9, 2011



COME SIT ON MY LAP KIDS AND I'LL TELL YOU THE TALE OF MY BONER



AND THAT'S HOW I WON THE CIVIL WAR WITH MY BONER

HERE'S A VIDEO THAT WILL PLEASE YOUR BONER, ESPECIALLY MY FEMALE VIEWERS



WHERE DID ALL OF MY PUNCTUATION MARKS GO OH THERE YOU ARE!!!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011



YOU WERE THERE, AND YOU WERE THERE, AND YOU WERE THERE TOO, BUT YOU WERE ALL ME AND I WAS LOVING ALL OVER YOU.

OH GOD, IT WAS SO FUCKING EPIC!!!! JUST WARGARBLE EVERYWHERE!!!!

TYPOS! MY KINGDOM FOR A TYPOS!!!!



OH GOD AND THEN AND THEN I I DID IT DIDN'T I WHAT THE HELL OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK



BFALJFKDALKJGLAAAARGLE OH SHIT I JUST BARFED UP DAN RATHER'S CAREER DO YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW? BECAUSE I JUST TYPED IT AND YOU JUST READ IT.

YOU'RE STILL READING THIS.

TAKE YOUR LEFT HAND OFF OF YOUR FACE AND UNCROSS YOUR LEGS!!!!!!



For some reason I've REALLY had that last one, just...once a day. I don't know why, just seems to happen. Could it be simple coincidence, do you think?

I AM THE TALKING HORSE, I AM THE GOLDEN BURNING EQUINE GOD THAT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU!!!

WAIT, DON'T WALK AWAY, DON'T WALK AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEeeee

Sunday, July 3, 2011



WITH, I MEAN WITH...











and



CAN YOU HEAR IT? CAN YOU HEAR THE MUSIC OF MY SOUL?!!!!


Saturday, July 2, 2011






Oh...oh fuck YES...YES....



Annnnnd the REAL Dempsey Roll, just for comparison, yah?

In b4 that j00tube of the ACTUAL side-by-side comparison...it's so full of NOISY GARBAGE MY EARS BLEED WITH THE SCREAMS OF A THOUSAND SUUUUUUUNS!!!








FUCK YES RICE!!!!!!!!!